You'll Understand When...

A friend reminded me of the phrase "You'll understand when you have children."

When I was young I disliked it as a non-answer. People used it instead of trying to explain something.

When I was older but still single I was uncomfortable with the assumption that I would or should have children. (Aforementioned friend doesn't like that assumption either.)

Now that I'm a parent, I think that "You'll understand when you have children" is a short, thoughtless way of saying "If you had been dealing with a baby for hours, days, and weeks while extremely sleep-deprived you would be able to recognize certain behaviors and do certain tasks instinctively, too."

There's also the emotional attachment to the baby. Some of that is hormones. Before labor and delivery I was fond of the autonomous being who lived in my abdomen. Immediately after delivery, I thought she was adorable, loved her, and strongly wanted to protect her and keep her close. That was a sudden emotional change that coincided with a sudden dose of hormones.

So if you're a parent and you have the urge to tell someone, "You'll understand when you have children." consider starting with, "It's difficult to explain, but let me try." instead.

Sex ed is viewed differently from other ed

This morning NPR's Diane Rehm show had a panel discussion about abstinence only versus comprehensive sexual education. I only listened to part of it, but it struck me that the panelist in favor of abstinence only sex ed thought that teaching students how to have sex safely before marriage would make it likely that the students would do so.

That's a common argument against sex ed, that giving the information in school also gives permission, and I've heard that argument before. But today I thought about what else is taught in school and therefore has the same authority and acceptance; iambic pentameter for example. Various forms of poetry are taught in high school English classes, but parents don't worry much about their children becoming poets against their wishes.

Clearly there is something about sex that entices kids that poetry, history, chemistry, or other school topics lack.

I'm in favor of comprehensive sex ed; I think children should have the information and that parents can try to guide them about whether or when to use it.

Remember that kids talk to each other. Someone who won't have sex before marriage likely has friends who will. Let's educate everyone so that the locker room conversations can be accurate and useful.